My bitter sweet death


My bitter sweet death

Ego Death

I can still recall the bitter taste of my sweet death like it was last night's dream...

It was my second time traveling to the small town of Tarapoto, Peru just east of the upper Amazon river. I had returned to visit my maestro Raul (shaman) and this time brought 8 other willing participants.  Madrecita Ayahuasca gave me 2 very clear messages on my prior visit a year before to La Selva. "Answer the call" and "bring the others". This set the precedence for a year of deep self-enquiry, healing and sharing. And so I stepped into my calling as a healer and a guide and found myself back to sit with grandmother.

El Maestro had a fondness for me as he said I reminded him of himself when he had began his "shamanic path". So he encouraged me to follow the teachings of the master plants. As we prepared for our ceremony he pulled me off to the side of the maloka and posed a question that stumped me and challenged all the work I had been doing on myself. "I have been watching you, you have been using my energy and doing the work and I am proud of you. So let me ask you...where is your ego now?"

I froze. I thought. I didn't know. "Ah I have gotten smarter...and so the ego has too." He the uncertainty in my face. "Don't worry mijo, we will find shall drink 3 cups tonight."


Now mind you I had only drank 1-1 1/2 cups before and that was a fucken slingshot out of the galaxy. This is the moment that you here so often go. "Vamos" I say. "Tonight you lose your ID. All that you have ever known or held onto. I will hold the tether...listen for my song." He replies with a smirk. go.

And so I ingest a total of 3 cups through out the night. Each stacking upon the other. I have an amazingly beautiful 5 hour experience with the group. So I thought. We all came down, close the session and walk through the jungle back to our sleeping quarters. And this is when the first big wave begins to swell.

I lean against a wall, someone puts their hand on my chest to hold me up. As I fade in I hear, "someone go call el Maestro!" She beckons me..."come, come". It teases, it intrigues me. Yet I know this is the unknown. I pull back out, open my eyes. I'm in a hammock now wrapped in a blanket. All eyes from the group are on me, el shaman stands over me. "Lo vistes?"  "Did you see it?" He softly says. "No" I reply.... "Shiu shiu shiu shiu, vuela vuela Fabiancito" He induces me to go back in with his vocal guiding sound. Pitch black. I drop in. I travel into an abyss. No visuals, no hallucinations. Nothing. Beyond the conscious, enter the subconscious. I have arrived.

There you are. There I am. So we meet again finally. My you have grown and hidden so well. A massive coiled serpent, waiting for me. Hissing, staring me down. Writhing. And in a flash, it's fangs clamp down on the side of my torso. My whole side of my body in it's mouth. Fuck it hurts! I rip at it, I tear at it, I begin to stab it. I stab like a mad man to break its grip. Oh the fear is soo real as the pain is. We lock eyes and I see it's pain. I feel it's pain. The pain of separation. So beautiful it is. And deadly. It hisses "don't do this! Please! I love you I beg!" I feel so sorry. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And I disconnect it, I stab and slash as it writhers and whips around and begins to seep into the darkness. It is done. "SSSSssssss....I'll be back" it says before it disappears into the abyss.

"GASP!" My eyes open to see my maestro looking down at me. "Lo vistes." "You saw it." "Si", I answer. He smirks.


10 Simple Ways to Increase Your Awareness


10 Simple Ways to Increase Your Awareness

10 Simple Ways to Increase Your Awareness

What makes man different and unique from all else in existence is that he is aware of himself. He is able to reflect upon himself and analyze what happens to him, he can change his consciousness, he can perceive how his environment influences him and how he influences it.

I have been able to increase my awareness, or as I refer to it “leveling up” by creating a few subtle changes in my daily routine. You’ve heard “we are creatures of nature”, but ask yourself, what does your nature consist of or look like? A chaotic mess of overgrowth? Or a serene garden? So I’ve spent much time in the dirt manicuring my forest into a garden. Not by chopping but simply pruning one flower at a time. Which is detail work. I’ll be honest with you, it takes work. A LOT of work. It’s every moment of every day.

Awareness without action is worthless –Phil McGraw

I.) Wake up nice and slowly, set your alarm with an extra 10-15 minutes. And while you’re at it, change your alarm from a nuclear bomb warning to a subtle sound that increases in loudness. On some phones you can even preset a song of your liking. Sit on the edge of your bed and start your engine. Just like you sit in your car and let it warm up before heading out. Take five deep breaths. You’re ready for your day now.

2.) Get your internal system flowing. Drink a tall glass of water. 70% of the human body content is water, and so water plays an important role in the proper functioning of your body. Nobody likes a dry pancake in the morning.

3.) You have heard it before, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Why? You are literally “breaking a fast”. Get it? You’ve slept for 8 hours (hint hint), fuel up. Eat a balanced meal consisting of carbohydrate, protein, and fats. Not the banana and coffee special. Some oats with almond butter and boiled eggs always hits the spot for me.  

4.) Breathe deeply. Oxygen is good for you. If I lose focus and that overgrowth starts creeping in, I take a moment and take a couple deep breaths. This brings me back to center.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again - L. Frank Baum

5.) Get grounded. Literally. Grounding happens when your bare feet come into contact with the earth’s surface by conducting negative electrons to your body. Step on some grass or dirt in bare feet. You get a better sense of your body relative to your surrounding environment, This is known as proprioception. Imagine wearing gloves on your hands all your life.

6.) Stay in the present. Take a look around, whether if you are out on a walk or sitting in a waiting room. Doing this simple drill puts you in the moment. Your mind can’t be worrying about why your auto insurance is so damn high if you are admiring the sunset or the lovely décor in your dentist’s office.

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life. –Eckhart Tolle

7.) Less TV. Or no TV at all. Whoa! Less distraction = more interaction. You’ll have more time to tend to your garden.

8.) Create a sacred space. This can be a book shelf, a room, or a garden. This is a space you revere as safe and peaceful. A place you can leave behind the affairs of ordinary life of meetings and schedules. It takes intention to build such a place. You’ll notice it begin to grow as you add items that mean something special to you. Make it your treasure chest as you once did when you were young.

9.) Live a physical life style. Experience your body. Use it for what it is meant for. To move and explore. Pick up an activity that will challenge your body. Go for a hike, practice yoga, exercise, rock climb, swim in the ocean. Any activity is a chance for your body to rejoice and become aware of its capabilities. Give thanks for the body you have.

10.) Meditate. If there is one tool that will “level up” your awareness, this one is it. There are several ways to do it and numerous studies that prove its effectiveness. Research and find the best one for you. I’ll make it quite simple, it really is just about training your brain to concentrate and focus better. Meditation is a lot like doing reps at the gym. It strengthens your attention muscle.

Meditation means the mind is turned back upon itself. The mind stops all the thought-waves and the world stops. Your consciousness expands. - Swami Vivekananda

To learn more about increasing your awareness, visit


How to use sound to heal yourself


How to use sound to heal yourself

How to Use Sound to Heal Yourself

The first impulse to emerge from the silence of the absolute, was the sound “OM” according to the Vedas (ancient Hindu scriptures).

Even the Bible and modern science agree that the initial spark of creation came from sound or vibration. The Gospel, according to John says, “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God … and the Word was made flesh.” If you substitute “Word” with “Sound,” it becomes, “In the beginning was the Sound and the Sound was God … and the Sound became manifest.”

In modern science, they talk about the Big Bang Theory, again sound.

Sound has been used since the beginning of history to create certain moods in the listener. Different sounds affect people in different ways. Fingernails scraping a blackboard elicit a very different reaction than a violin. Shamanic drumming can create a trance-like state, marching bands are used to fire-up an army or sports team, and a mother’s lullaby soothes a troubled child. The different ragas of Indian classical music are attuned to different times of the day or different seasons to harmonize the listener with the rhythms of nature.

To learn more about sound healing, visit